The Pictish Trail's Blog

Label of Love: Fence Records

2011-12-26T15:06:00.006Z

Hello chums. Been awhile since i've used this blog - i'll try and update it more over the next year, blah blah blah.

Just cleaning up my desktop, and found this interview i did for Record Collector mag earlier on in the year. I don't think they printed the full thing - so here it is, in its full un-edited glory. The photo was used in the article - and it was taken by Charlotte Hatherley.

Label Of Love questions

Why start a label?

Why, indeed. Who buys music any more, eh? Musicians, that's who.

It's not surprising, then, that labels are usually started up by wannabe/failed musicians, who perhaps tried their hand at journalism but were left frustrated at the lack of guest-lists they could get on to.

With Fence, though, it's different. Our motives are pure - it's all about the thrill of a good tune, and sharing that joy with others. Plus, in Anstruther, there aren't any guest-lists to get onto other than the gigs we put on ourselves.

After 15 years, King Creosote isn't convinced Fence actually is a label. He's probably right.

When and how did it start?

Well, it's had a few false starts.

Kenny Anderson spent the first half of the 90's in a celtic-bluegrass outfit called Skhuobie Dubh Orchestra, busking around Europe and flogging cassette tapes by the thousand. By 1995 he found himself without a band, label or a will to carry on. Or even a working tape player. A year of valium later and KA became KC, recording his own music on a Fostex 8-track digital machine, and burning copies one-at-a-time on the new Phillips digital CD-R machines. The word 'Fence' was stamped on to the hand-made artwork. Thus a label was born.

Applying this same manufacturing process to the music of his brothers - twins, Pip Dylan and Lone Pigeon - King Creosote unwittingly collected a rather enviable roster of artists, as well as a back-catalogue of exceptional lo-fi pop. By working part-time in a St Andrews record shop (which he later bought, and named 'Fence') he had shelf space on which to sell these albums - and no shortage of Green Day and Avril Lavigne jewel cases to pilfer for packaging purposes.

Five years later, I started playing with the Collective, and solo, as The Pictish Trail. Although still releasing CD-Rs in handmade artwork, Fence had branched out into manufactured CDs by this point, producing two compilations of Fence Collective music, as well as an album by Lone Pigeon ('Concubine Rice').

Come 2003, and I'm full time with the label, developing it's live profile, putting on more regular Collective shows, in addition to physically putting together the hand-made packaging for our CD-R Picket Fence EP series. Within a year I'd managed to convince Kenny that we needed a proper web-shop, and our first Home Game festival took place in Anstruther.

That was a big turning point. And probably the start of the label, proper.

Was it a financial struggle?

Fence Records, to this day, have never lost money on a release - be it a CD-R, real CD, or vinyl - and i don't think we ever will. Our audience is loyal enough that we'll always cover our costs. Saying that, we've never made a fortune out of anyone's music, either. I've never had an interest in making money out of anyone's music other than my own - and if a artist releases an album on Fence, it's success is generally down to how much effort the act themselves put into promoting it.

Should you ever visit his seaside home in Crail, King Creosote will tell you in no uncertain terms that the music industry is absolutely fucked, and that there is no money to be made whatsoever. But, then, he's had to go through the heartbreak of opening and closing a record shop, as well as the baw-break of going through VAT registration. Twice. Ouch.

As an independent musician, you're forever wondering where the next bit of money is going to come from - which is why it's paramount to have ideas. Or a rich relative with a terminal illness.

What other labels influenced you?

To be honest, as a label we've continually done our own thing - but i really respect those that have forged their own niche. I really liked the style that Twisted Nerve had in the late-90's / early-00's, and i've been a fan of Ghost Box for years.

Jack White's Third Man Records have been a real revelation, of late. Their musical output isn't necessarily always to my taste - but the sheer volume of ideas they've had (mobile record shop, instore jukebox, greeting card gatefold vinyl) are refreshing at a time when most labels seem content to peddle MP3's.

How any label can be content offering digital-only releases, is beyond me.

Who are your competitors?

There aren't really any competitors in the indie world, only adversaries. The main bastard being free-streaming services such as Spotify. Plus any company that has actively sought to devalue music over the past 10 years. The price of a pint has gone up by 50%, whereas albums have come down in price by the same percentage. A massive "f*ck you" to HMV and Tesco, then.

Why the name?

Kenny came up with it. I'm not exactly sure which came first, but you put creosote on a fence - hence King Creosote is on Fence Records. Have I just killed the magic?

I think Kenny is keen on the various connotations of the word. Fence, as a name, symbolises being a bit cut-off from everything else - living in a small ex-fishing village can do that to ya, i suppose - but it can also be used to insinuate something criminal. As in a 'fence' for stolen goods.

Not that we deal in stolen goods, of course. Err … but … what you after, pal?

What’s your guiding principle?

There's not really a big Fence ethos, as such - other than taking pride in your music, and feeling justified in charging for it. There are far too many acts willing to give away their music for free, and play live for buttons. We're not greedy fat cats - but it's important to put a value on what you do, and to constantly think of new ideas.

Also, no flutes. On anything. They just sound shit.

Can you sum up your label’s output?

Yes. Mostly Dminor 7th, and E minor. Sometimes a fluffed B bar-chord. And no flutes.

The Times, in their Encyclopedia of Modern Music, said that Fence Records was a genre in and of itself. Who am I to argue? The journalist that wrote that is definitely on our guest-list.

How do you find new acts?

We don't. They mostly find us.

It's usually recommendations from people we've already signed, or friends. Sometimes it's even a recommendation from a friend of a friend. Basically, if you're a new act and you think Fence Records is the label for you , you should become our friend. Hang out in our local pub, The Ship Tavern … maybe throw us the occasional wink, buy us a pint, and let's see where it goes.

How important is the look and packaging of your records?

It's important. But i think some folk can get carried away with ornate packaging, and boxsets filled with trinkets and used bits of dental floss. The value of the actual music should never be outweighed by the box it comes in. If you've got an album that you are confident at selling for £10, it should be packaged in something that's appropriate for that price. If you're wanting to sell that same album for £20, you'd better have some extra music / demos to accompany it because a shiny box ain't going to cut it. I always admired the way Fugazi stood by their 'Pay no more than $8 for this album' stance - the music is the important part.

We've started making more and more vinyl - and i've fallen in love with 12" albums, with maaaassive artwork, printed on the reverse-board so that it has a bit of texture to it. Dee-lish. I think most of our future releases will be in this format, unless they work out a way of etching music onto a thick slab of Scottish tablet. The sugary goodness of the tablet will be so irresistible, people will be forced to keep buying copies over and over again. Ch-ching.

What are your future plans for expanding the label? (not touching upon releases)

For the past couple of years we've been more pre-occupied with putting on weird live events as opposed to physical releases. In addition to our annual Home Game festival in Anstruther, we've recently put on a smaller bash on the remote island of Eigg (appropriately titled the, er, 'Away Game'), and a weeklong series of shows in Fife called 'HaarFest'. Increasingly, we're encouraging collaboration between acts, and creating something that can only be experienced live, in the moment. We tend to invite mostly the same acts from our label up to these events - it kind of acts as a Parent's Night / Report Card for the label, where we get to check up on our 'childrens' progress. Kenny is the mum.

In that sense, Fence has become less of a label, and really more of a disparate collective. We'll still do albums, of course, and will continue to release music in various forms - but both Kenny and I are more into playing host for the time being.

There are some other stupid ideas up our sleeves - but we couldn't possibly give them away just now. That'd spoil the surprise/disappointment.

GAME OVER?

2011-05-16T09:35:00.001+01:00

So.

There goes another Home Game.

Three days of sheer unadulterated sugary-cider flavoured merriment, followed by a weeklong ice-cream headache of a hangover; catching up with ol' friends, and making new ones; dancing like an eejit to Fence favourites, and blissfully head bobbing along to new acts; an influx of 650 folk into the town indulging in stovies for breakfast, something deep-fried for lunch, and a beer dinner each day …

… And maybe all for the last time?

OK, probably not. But I can tell you now that we're not going to be doing another Home Game next year. And, before you spit your tea at the screen, and call your local councillor/Samaritan to complain … I should let you know that we almost didn't do one THIS year.

Why? Well, there were various small factors - which i'll get to in a second. But, to cut to the chase, the primary reason I was swithering about Home Game was because my mum was dying. And then she actually died. About 5 weeks ago, after a 15 month battle with pancreatic cancer.

(It's safe to say it's been a pretty intense 2011, so you'll have to excuse my frankness.)

So, aye. You'll have noticed tickets for this year's event didn't go on sale until late January . Up until this point I had so much going on in my head I was undecided as to whether or not we should have a Home Game at all. It was really only Kate and David from Kid Canaveral that convinced me it was a good idea. At the time I was privately peeved about that - but, now that the weekend's been and gone, I'm glad that they put the pressure on. It really was a truly incredible Home Game. A lot of folk have said it was the best one. I think it's necessary to do something else in 2012, though.

It was last year's Away Game on Eigg that changed things. Sure, it wasn't without its flaws, but i genuinely believe it was the most insanely brilliant thing we've ever done. It was wild, it was new, it was exciting. Organising a Home Game in the wake of such an amazing event, compounded by my emotional state at the beginning of this year, was never going to be a particularly welcome prospect. Add to that the increasing cost of accommodation for both artists and punters, amongst other spiralling expenses, the lure of doing an event in Anstruther was fast wearing off. The fact that a significant number of holiday-home owners suddenly demanded week-long lets instead of 3-day stays meant that accommodation prices more than doubled. Said expense is a prime factor in our decision to take a year off from Home Game.

Things are hopefully going to develop over the next 24 months, though. I've been speaking to folk from the local council office, and some local businesses too, and there seems to be plans afoot to make affordable tourist accommodation more readily available in the area. Basically, we're keen to put on more regular events in future - but we don't want it costing yourselves and ourselves the earth to do so.

Another factor is the loss of the Hew Scott Hall. Despite all the TV coverage, and reports of £1million funding grants, and petitions, etc, it seems this hall is still very much under threat. I'm a bit out of the loop with all the politics of it, cos i've not been in town much this past couple years … but I do hope this hall can be saved. Home Game definitely missed it this year - it's such a good space, and the atmosphere in there is always electric. We'd like to bring Home Game back when this hall is on its feet again - fingers crossed it can be done within 2 years …

If there's no Home Game in 2012, what's going to happen? Well, i'm going to take a break for a bit, get some more writing/recording completed, and then start work on Away Game #2 - which i'd like to happen around this time next year. Don't expect any details on when/where before December, though!

With Home Game 2011, i decided to delegate more, and play less … and that's a strategy i'm going to continue for the rest of the year. Pictish Trail performances will be kept to a minimum - save occasional one-off shows, and perhaps a small oddball tour. Saying that, i've got a few shows coming up, which i'm treating as a Home Game victory lap (!) - one is supporting Rozi Plain at Wilmington Arms in London, on May 26th. She's got her new single coming out, and this is the launch party/gig … so please come along and show yer support! S'only a fiver! The other show is the Fence Collective bash at Oran Mor, in Glasgow, on June 5th. We've almost sold out of tickets on the Fence website, but there's plenty more available through TicketWeb, and the secret line-up is very special. Check our gig listings for details, yadda yadda yadda.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Right, without further ado, here are my official thank-yous for Home Game 2011.

First up, Kenners.

Believe it or not, Kenny's been wanting to take a "year-out" for the last 5 Home Games. While he doesn't do the actual administrative organising in the lead up to the event, per se, Kenny is the face of Fence - on a national and, more importantly, a local level. I think being the local representative must be the more exhaustive job of the two - forever being bombarded by folk asking what is happening, can their son's band get a slot, and could you play my 40th birthday. Home Game magnifies his local celebrity by a thousand percent. Meanwhile, i'm the guy that doesn't stop touring, and when I am home I keep within my close circle of friends. As such, most folk I meet in Anstruther think i'm on holiday, despite the fact i've been a resident here for 8 years. So, i don't envy Kenner's responsibility - but i am very grateful for it. He's biggest name on the label, it's his rep on the line, and his performances are the ones on which HG's success hinges.

This year he outdid himself with a stellar headline performance with The Earlies, a Khartoum Heroes reunion, a stripped back acoustic set with Jon Hopkins, a cameo with Kid Canaveral, as well as numerous other guest appearances … and all this in addition to setting up some PA's around the town, and sound-engineering at the Erskine Hall. TOP JOB, PAL.

(Kenny's got some ideas for future Fence live shows this year into next - but i'll let him fill you in on the details of those in his own time. Given that he's been touring a live-only album, recorded another secret album as well as new full-band one, is scheduled to play with Burns Unit for the summer AND has numerous tours lined up to promote Diamond Mine with Jon Hopkins and his next studio effort, i'm not sure when that's going to be! That might well be it, darling, indeed!)

Kate Lazda (aka Kate Canaveral) is an absolute fucking legend, and is responsible for much of Home Game's success this year. As i mentioned earlier, I'm pretty certain there would have been no Home Game 2011 without her encouragement and support. Kate is one of the most chilled out, level-headed people i know - and was fundamental in the lead-up to the event … booking accommodation, processing ticket sales, assisting with technical preparations, tons of stuff. In addition to playing an INCREDIBLE Kid Canaveral set on the Saturday night, she helped stage manage the Anster Town Hall, worked behind the bar, transported backline around the town, and accommodated a million indie-pop starlets in her house. Kate, you not only chill me out - you chilled out the entire town, and created the most relaxed Home Game ever!

Massive thanks also to our other stage managers, Alan 'Gummi' Stewart, Chloe Milne and Dayna Watson - each of whom did a terrific job at keeping things running smoothly and on time in each venue. Laura Doherty, a süper-trooper at our Hallowe'en event, revised her role of calm, collected powerhouse - and assisted Gummi & Kate at the Anstruther Town Hall.

As well as being our headliner for the Friday night, Gummi was also a key player in our bar-staff - making sure everything was running smoothly. Big cheers to our bar manager David Shields from The Ship Tavern for organising the booze, and our bar-helpers Dave & Rose Canaveral, Jon & Kate Babydaddy (and their pal Jayne!), Michael The Astronaut, Iona Marshall, Sarah 'T' Jones and most of all Fence's folk-landlady, Jenny Casino who poured her heart & soul into every pint, like she does with her songs!

Keeping with the Casino's, Papa & Mama Casino provided their magic touch as always, making The Rugby Club such a special place to be. Thanks to Calum Casino for providing his P.A., and for putting up so many of the Earlies on Friday night!!

High fives to Matthew Ferrie and Robin Sutherland for sorting out sound, lighting and backline requirements at the Anstruther Town Hall and Legends (with PA's from Apex Acoustics). These two have been a constant fixture at Fence events for the past couple of years, and ALWAYS do an amazing job - I can't imagine a Fence bash without 'em!

Not to be outdone, Fence faves Mutt McGhee (at the Smugglers), Little Pebble (at the Cellardyke Town Hall) and Player Piano (at Legends) worked their little asses off over the weekend, manning the sound-desks and running sound-checks - best sound ever at Home Game!

Ben Milne, and his siblings Ronan, Chloe and Jade, with their ever-positive, constantly smiling hoard of unfeasibly svelte pie-merchants ensured that nobody went hungry over the entire weekend. If it wasn't for Fisher & Donaldson i would be dead. Simple as. Ben also deserves mad-props for PRINTING ALL THE PROGRAMMES, providing a PA and drum-kit, as well carting my ass around the town whenever i couldn't be bothered to walk! Honourable mention to Jade for her simply divine folding technique!

Thank you thank you thank you to Rollo Hornyold-Strickland for having the best surname in RAWK, and for supplying the 10 nubile young stewards from St Andrews, that made us all feel incredibly old. MASSIVE PROPS TO: Rachel Fullerton, Sarah Newton, Julian Findlay, Lucy Cooper, Gemma Lawrence, Julian Moorman, Clare Gunn, Andrew Pearson, Kirsty Strang, Lewis Roy.

Keep ya hands high for our other stewards - GYLLZD, Big Fez, Tara Chaloner, Emily TracerTrails and Vicster. And while yer at it, scream like Beatles fans for our T-Shirt/Hoody desk crew, Bhoywonder, FudgeDonut & Scott.

Big bear hug for indie-HERO Josie Long, for curating 3 sessions of comedy, and dancing like a crazy bastard. You brought lovely people, hilarious comedy, and beautiful smiles to everyones faces! A constant inspiration!!!

Thanks to Danny from Heavenly Records (and Jeff! and Kieran!) for putting together two astonishing afternoons of entertainment. It was a huuuge weight off my shoulders having you guys sort out these bookings - and you nailed it! Such a treat.

Raise the roof for OnTheFly, who put on 2 incredible nights at the Cellardyke Town Hall - DeFence Records, people! And The Lone Pigeon, who took us all into andromeda with a selection of his favourite musicians. Spot on, fellas!

I think we can all agree that Kirsty Thomas, and all her helpers, did a fantastic job at The Lovely Pigeon shop. What a beautiful place it was - and a great location for all the merchandise. Whoop!

Thanks to Uncle Beesly, Captain Geeko, Scruff, Viva Stereo, and Scott & the Canaveral's for letting us borrow your backline! And cheers to Styxx Corvette for the use of his lighting equipment in the Cellardyke Town Hall!

Let's hear it for Dave at The Smugglers Inn for providing accommodation for a bunch of our acts, and for allowing us to take over his pub with two stages of music! Cheers also to Stevie, and all the staff at Legends - it's not Home Game without Legends! Massive round of applause to Chris & Ewa at The Dreel for hosting the meet'n'greet BBQ on the Friday afternoon, and sorting out the best breakfast in town - great stuff!

Standing ovation for Damon & Andrew of Strikeforce Scotland for covering all our security needs, being great guys, and keeping Mr Gold at bay! Big round of applause for Christine Keay & the AIA Hall Committee for allowing us the use of their fabulous hall. Thanks to Iain, John, Henry and everyone at the Anstruther Town Hall, and to Lindsey Brown at the East Neuk Centre for her assistance with booking the venues - you're keeping the Neuk a vibrant place to be!

Cheers to David Galletly for designing the Home Game logo, and to Jane Elliot for putting the flabby poster together. Thumbs up to Blueback Hotrod and Nikkie Divine for allowing us to use your excellent photies! Thanks to Forest of Black for picking up the T-shirts and hoodies on Friday! And thanks to Johnny Moffat for printing them in time!

Thanks to all the bands, DJ's and solo acts that played. There are far too many of you to mention … but my heart will always be with Hardsparrow. Admittedly, the curse of being Home Game organiser means i've not seen a full Anstruther set from him in years - but he's still my favourite Fencer!

Much love also to Minna and Slow Club for making it up again. It was such an honour getting to hear the new songs - they sounded insanely good! Your tour in September is going to rip this fair nation of ours a new set of bumholes. (Oh, Charles - i'm still looking for your shirt!)

My other favourite favourite acts of Home Game were Monoganon, Massacre Cave, Nathan Fake, Randolph's Leap and David Thomas Broughton - they might have been the only sets i caught the entirety of! But i saw and heard a lot more music this year than i usually do at Home Game - and i'm really reallllly chuffed with how it all went.

Finally, thanks to all you ticketholders for believing enough in Fence to spend £75 of yer hard-earned dosh (on top of travel, accommodation, beer, food and all the other stuff) on an event that doesn't reveal it's line-up! We are really overwhelmed with your generosity. You're the best fans in the world !!!!LOL!!ROFL!!!1!

I've probably forgotten to thank a million other people … but hopefully not anyone too obvious.

Ah, yes. Thanks to everyone for your kind messages and words of support over the past few months. I love Fence with all my heart, and can't quite believe this is my job. It's bonkers.

Even though Home Game is taking a year out, I hereby pledge to make Away Game 2012 the best thing EVERRRR.

love you,

the pictish trail xx

PS. If you'd like to comment on any of the above, have a wee visit to our beefboard: http://www.fencerecords.com/beefboard/viewtopic.php?t=22451

PPS. because you've made it this far down, i'm going to reward you with some video's from The Forest of Black. The first video is of François & The Atlas Mountains, headlining last year's Home Game ... and the second video is of Slow Club's closing number at this year's Home Game. ENJOY!

In Rooms

2010-08-07T19:32:00.001+01:00

Hello now.

As the Leuchars-to-Kings-Cross Express crawls it's way down the unshaven neck of mainland Great Britain, I find myself at a loss. I've checked my Facebook at least twelve times in the past twenty minutes. I've just checked it again. My "fun"-sized pack of Mini-Cheddars has managed to squander itself to mere crumbs, and the sluggish East Coast Rail wireless internet is proffering little distraction save the occasional slow-loading 'what's your favourite lentil?' thread on the Fence messageboard. There is nothing else for it but to write to you all, blog-stylee. I'll spare you the customary apologies for my lack of correspondence over the past few months, and skip to the good stuff.

"I love you".

Right, now that's out of the way, let's venture forth into the tedious meanderings of my whim.

There is so much shit to tell you. I've been meaning to blog all of this WAAAY before now - but it's been such a busy time. Here's why … (as with most Pictish blogs, you might want to get yourself a cuppa, as this is going to take awhile …)

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
SILVER COLUMNS
If you have had the use of at least one eye/ear over the past 6 months, you might have noticed i've been quite frantic with various Silver Columns shenanigans. The album, YES AND DANCE, came out via the Moshi Moshi label a few months ago - and we've been resolutely gigging the festival circuit ever since. I've probably mentioned this in a previous blog … but the album is 10 pop songs, all of which were co-written/recorded/performed by myself and Adem. I'm really proud of the entire thing - and think it's some of the best work i've ever done. So there.

Strangely enough, a lot of folk seem to think the album hasn't been released yet. Which is, er, interesting. Because it definitely has. I've seen it in the shops. They've been selling it in Japan too - according to Rebecca from Slow Club's Twitter. Ooh.

Anyway. We've been preaching our electro-campness to crowds of various proportions at Camden Crawl, Glastonbury, Beach Break, Isle Of Wight, Lounge On The Farm, T in The Park, Lovebox, Ibiza Rocks as well as a bunch of club shows … and we've got the Edinburgh Festival, Haarfest, V Festival, Green Man, Bestival, Loopallu and tons more coming up. And we've just announced a tour with our Moshi labelmate, James Yuill, for late-October/early-November. Basically, there's no excuse for you not to come along and see us shake our rumps in extremely tight jeans.

It's quite a funny band to play in. It's definitely a bit different to playing with an acoustic guitar. We've managed to fit all our touring gear into two suitcases. One for keyboards and cables … and the other for glittery table covers, miniature smoke machine and a million fairy lights. Musically, i think we've pretty much got the knack. Adem doesn't drink as much as I do, which means i get left with most of the rider. And because we use public transport to get to most of the shows, i have to drink as much of the rider as i can on-site - because i can't carry it home with me. Which means, depending on how late the gig is, i'm usually wasted. So no change there, then.

We're still getting used to making gig demands. We got sick of carrying keyboard stands around - so we started asking promoters to provide tables for us to put our equipment on. We didn't know what to ask for, so we put down "YOU MUST PROVIDE US WITH A TABLE, AT LEAST 1.2 METRES HIGH". Which, we didn't realise, is alarmingly high. We turned up to Beach Break in Wales, and were greeted with this monstrosity:

The keyboards are almost at my chin!

So, aye. Still finding our feet in that department. I've got some pretty good dance moves now, though.

There's a new single coming out next month, on 12" - and there's a video of some of my dance moves, imminent. It's called 'Always On', and there's a remix on the 12" from Caribou - which is UTTERLY STONKING. You've got to listen to it. LOUD. And you can do so, for free, by clicking here.

You should buy the album, too. Go on. Click here to do so.

AWAY GAME
There's been a wee thing called Away Game that has been taking up a lot of my time, also. I spent the past week up on the island of Eigg - scoping out the place for our new festival … which, scarily, is taking place next month. The islanders are all extremely excited about it. Like, ridiculously so. They keep asking me which bands are playing. And I tell them. And they don't recognise any of them. And then i tell them some that they will recognise. And then they get more excited. And then i tell them that those bands aren't actually playing … but that they sound a lot like the bands that we have booked. And then they get confused. But still retaining a hint of excitement.

I'm dripping small beads of excitement too. The line-up is phenomenal, if i do say so myself. I'll be announcing it soon. Considering we managed to sell the event out before announcing any of the acts, i could have just booked The Pictish Trail and Hardsparrow to play 20 times … but instead i've spent literally ALL the budget on making this a truly unforgettable event. And, yes, The Pictish Trail will be playing. I'm still waiting for Hardsparrow to confirm, though.

I could blog for AGES about Eigg … so maybe i'll save it for another blog. It is an incredibly beautiful island, though. And those of you lucky enough to have tickets are in for a real treat.

IF you didn't manage to get tickets, don't worry - we've got another special Fence event lined-up for you …

FENCE HALLOWE'EN PARTY
Yep, Fence Hallowe'en returns. Our Hallowe'en parties have become the stuff of legend … with last year's Dead Celebrities disco proving to be one of our best ever events. Here's a wee reminder of all those Rod Hulls and Steve Irwins …

This year we've decided to throw the bash in Glasgow. This is for two reasons:

1) We've put on a few events in Anstruther already this year (Home Game and Haarfest), and we realise that it's an expensive trip for a lot of folk. Accommodation, travel, food, drink … and that's not including the ticket cost. So we've selected Glasgow, as it's easier to get to - and there's a wider selection of accommodation for people travelling in.

2) We didn't want to have to clear up the Anstruther halls again.

Still … if you're thinking that we're going to be scrounging on the Fence-ness, then think again! There's going to be a good mix of classic Fence, with some contemporary urban Fence, and some hot Latin Fence too. The event is going to be taking place across three venues.

1. Stereo
B. The (newly refurbished) Old Hairdresser, and
3. The (still currently under refurbishment) upstairs bit of The Old Hairdresser.

I'm going to put tickets on sale on August 30th, from the Fence website. There'll be more info on the whole event before that - running times, price, theme, hair style tips.

NEW PICTISH TRAIL MINI-ALBUM
Somewhere in amongst all of this, i've put together a mini-album / EP of new Pictish Trail material. It's called In Rooms, and it's a collection of the 50 songs I did for Josie Long's 100 Days project, earlier on this year. Due to one thing and another, I let the project slip … but i recently found time to complete it, and have just had the whole lot mastered by Reuben Taylor (he of James Yorkston & The Athletes / Deaf Mutes fame). Christian Ward, who designed the artwork for Secret Soundz, has been working on the artwork … and so i should hopefully have the whole thing ready for Away Game, all going to plan!

I'm really really chuffed with these songs. I've had them playing, on "shuffle", on my mp3 player over the course of this year - and it feels like a different listening experience each time. My favourites change all the time, too. The good thing about each song lasting 30 seconds is that if i get bored with one of them i only have to wait 30 seconds before it changes. FYI: I'm currently in love with all my songs.

There's been a lot of talk recently, on the Fence forum, about formats. I've decided i'm going to release this EP on 12" vinyl - and package a CD-R of all the tracks along with it. The reason for this is because I want folk to be able to upload the songs onto their mp3 players or whatever, and listen to them while travelling. In "shuffle" mode. The "shuffle" mode bit is quite important. To ensure optimum "shufflage", i'm going to give every CD-R copy a different tracklisting order. They'll all have the same songs - just in a different order.

"Why not just do it only on CD-R fer chrisssakes?" i hear you screech. Well, i like vinyl a lot, and i spent a good 3 hours deciding which order the songs should go in for optimum vinyl-listening. When listening to vinyl, you want to get yourself all snuggly in a nice hammock / bean bag, crack open a ice-wet can of Sweetheart Stout / Fizzy Ribena, and gaze longingly at my face on the artwork. I feel the tracklisting i have selected for the vinyl is of a temperature ideal for such home-listening.

MAMMOTH PICTISH TRAIL TOUR with JOSIE LONG!
If you're going to release music you've got to do a tour with it, and perform said music in front of people's faces. If you don't do this people will think you didn't actually make the music, and that you are a fraud. In fact sometimes, after a show, people will come up to you with copies of your music, and they will ask you to sign said copy of your music. They then check the signature with your bank or a distant pen-pal, in order to confirm that it is actually you. It's a tough business, people - but this is how you make money these days.

I've just bought a new selection of felt pens with which to sign things … and so i am going to embark on a f*cking enormous tour. This tour is with my comedy chum Josie Long. It's her tour, really. And it's a comedy tour. But i'm doing music. Not comedy music, really. Just my music.

It's going to be a bit scary doing songs infront of people expecting comedy - but i fancied the challenge, and figured it'd be a nice way to reach a different audience. Plus, i'm a massive fan of Josie Long. And I've not been to Machynlleth before.

That doesn't mean i don't want you there. I need you there. Please come. And sing-a-long. In tune, please. Actually, don't bother singing-a-long. You can mouth the words, but don't sing. Just mouth.

It's going to take ages to put up all the dates on the Fence website … so, for the meantime, you can check them out on my MySpace page. www.myspace.com/pictishtrail

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Riiiiiiight. I think that's about it for now. I'll try not to be such a stranger, if you promise not to be either.

OK?

love you.

the pictish trail xx

Tonsil Time Travel

2010-04-10T10:56:00.003+01:00

See this photo?

This is me. Two weeks ago. Fresh out of surgery, and souped up to the eyeballs on morphine.

60 minutes before this photo was taken I was lying back, completely anesthetised, mouth clamped open, with my swollen angry tonsils being sliced from my throat. Ugh.

Let's not stay there just now. Instead, let's go back another two weeks, to Homegame weekend.

It's Saturday night. I'm feeling quite drunk. I'm in Anstruther's finest night club, Legends, and i'm about to go onstage for the debut of Silver Columns (more on that later). And my throat is feeling quite big.

Now, this was not an unusual feeling for me. My tonsils had been consistently swollen over the course of the previous 6 months. A hellish, debilitating bout of glandular fever last August kick-started it all, forcing me to miss a Three Craws gig at the Pittenweem Arts Festival. The tonsils decided to flare up again half-way through the Malcolm Middleton tour around Europe, towards the end of September. They reappeared late-November / early-December, just as my 100 Days project was about to commence. And they decided to make a cameo during the OLO Worms Toxic Waist Tour in January. The tonsillitis then came back at the beginning of March ... and didn't go away. The tonsils just stayed big.

So, here I am at Homegame, all dressed up for my new electro-pop disco project with Adem ... and i'm a bit nervous. Not just because it's our first gig in front of an audience. Not just because for some reason we've decided it's a good idea to have the BBC record and film the entire set. Not just because the room is packed with our close friends and peers. No. I'm nervous because my throat is feeling a bit big, and i'm starting to think i don't have enough beer to punish my tonsils with. And there's a lot of high notes in this music. Hmmm.

I'm going to press the pause button here, because while i'm writing this, i'm overwhelmingly conscious of the fact that i haven't done a blog in a good wee while. Not a proper blog, at any rate. There are things i've kept from you, and other things i've not kept you up to date on. So, forgive me, whilst i do a little housekeeping.

= = = = = = = = = = =

* THE HOMEGAME *

Our seventh annual Homegame festival was a great success - 5 star reviews, radio coverage, lots of booze consumed. AMAZING.

I'm going to condense my thank-yous this year. Not out of a sense of ingratitude or anything. I'm just trying out some new time management thing. Plus, i always end up crying if i spend too long on it. So I'm giving myself 5 minutes on this ... there's an exciting bit of news afterwards, though ... so keep reading!

Okaaaay, here we go ...

A massive round of applause for Kenners, first and foremost - for having the balls and strength to deliver 8 performances of his 'Bit Of Strange' album over the course of the weekend, as well as managing to co-ordinate the evening pub gigs, and surviving the drunken antics of one local "card". Ach, there's always one. Thank you to Kate Canaveral for all her hard work - driving folk around left, right and centre, stewarding, and doing a stonking Kid Canaveral set. Massive props to Graham and Linda for sorting out the bar this year, and providing the best range of booze Homegame has ever had! High fives to the Milnes and all who work for Fisher & Donaldson - you single-handedly provided my nutrition over the entire weekend. Bear hug for Boderz, for supplying all my make-up, and coffee - ha! Cheers to Gummi Bako, with Fudgedonut, for sorting out all the merchandise once again - top job! Thank you to Matthew and Robin, and all who work at Apex Acoustics in Dundee, for all your amazing work with sound and lighting in the main hall and Legends - best Homegame sound EVER! Cheers also to Little Pebble for sound-engineering the Hew Scott Hall all weekend, with his pal Graeme, and doing a couple of Oatesfield sets to boot! Thanks to Jeremy and George from Player Piano for covering sound duties in the Erskine Hall! Thanks to S9Fifty in Glenrothes, for providing PA at the Smugglers. Thanks to Wilma Reid for Anstruther Church, Sue Myers for The Anstruther Improvements Association, Stevie at Legends, Lindsay Brown at the East Neuk Centre, Ian and Danny at the Anstruther Town Hall, and the two Daves at the Ship and the Smugglers. Thanks to the Casino's for all their help in the AIA, and to all the other stewards and bar staff who volunteered over the weekend - amazing work, everyone! Cheers to the two security guys, who - embarrassingly - i've forgotten the names of. Oh dear. They were dead good though.

Thanks to all the artists for sorting themselves out, being on time, and playing amazing music! This year was our strongest line-up yet - my personal highlights were Jon Hopkins, Django Django and Findo Gask's acoustic set ... but everything I saw was great. So proud to have you all up - everyone was extremely professional, no diva strops or anything!

Finally, a big thank you to all of you who bought a ticket, and supported Fence Records. It was great to see so many familiar faces, and to meet a bunch of new folk too. It means a lot to us - and there's no way we could do this without you. I started organising this Homegame back in November '09, and a lot of hard work has gone into making it our best one ever. I've had so many letters and messages from folk this past month, saying how much they enjoyed the weekend - i'm sorry for not being able to get back to you all. But it's really fired me up to make every Fence event as good :)

(Regrettably, i'm forced to make a big NO THANKS to Celebrating Fife 2010, who decided to yank away £2,000.00 funding at the last minute, despite badgering me on the phone these past 4 months, insisting that we apply, and assuring us that we would receive it. I love Fife, and hope that in some way our Homegame celebrates our community. I'm pissed off with this lot, though, for wasting my time and leaving me out of pocket. Do you want your logo on our site now? Okthanksbye.).

... that took 8 minutes to write. Damn.

Well, here's the news ...

* THE FENCE AWAY GAME & THE FENCE HAAR FEST *

We're going to make a proper announcement about all of this at the beginning of May, but i thought i'd give you a little headz up, because i love you.

For years and years people have been asking us whether we're going to do a proper Fence event outside of Anstruther ... and i'm delighted to inform you that our first Fence Away Game will be taking place THIS YEAR! We've selected the location, and we're currently working on a line-up that will blow your beard off. It's going to be taking place over 3 days around mid/late-September ... and will be a pretty limited affair. It's going to be a real adventure, this one. Involving camping, some very late nights, and a lot of madness. I'm so excited about this event, i'm going to explode.

We've also got a batch of very special Fence shows lined-up for mid-August, in Anstruther - our first Haar Fest. Those of you who enjoyed our series of Pittenweem Arts Festival shows a few years back are in for a treat ... !

I'm afraid that's all i can divulge about both events at this point in time ... check back on the site at the beginning of May for all the juicey bits.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Okay, where was I? Ah yes. Paused, in Legends. A bead of sweat dripping from my nose. Engorged tonsils. Oh God. About to perform the first ever Silver Columns show.

Hold on. What is/are Silver Columns? Ahhh ... I see i have more housekeeping to do ...

* SILVER COLUMNS *

Right, so, Silver Columns is a project i've been working on for the past year and a half, with my pal Adem. We've written and recorded an album together, of electronic pop songs, and it's coming out this year through the London-based Moshi Moshi label. I've had to be fairly secretive about the whole thing for the past wee while, because we didn't really know what was happening with the album, and it's quite different sounding to the regular Pictish/Adem fare. For a start, it's a darn sight more polished than anything i've ever released under my own name. Adem has nice microphones and - unlike me - tends not to do any recording when the neighbour is hoovering. Hmm.

I'm really really proud of the album - and i'm properly excited about it coming out. The release date has been pushed back a bit - i think it's due out May 31st? I'll keep you posted as to when it's available.

So now you know. Maybe you already knew? If you were at Homegame you would know, I suppose. Which reminds me ...

For all my worrying, the Homegame gig was incredible. Was soooo good to see y'all dancing, even though it was to songs you'd never heard before! And my throat lasted! The high notes were fine. I got away with it. Phew.

But afterwards, i knew something had to be done about these tonsils. Initially, my remedy was more booze - thus, my Homegame hangover lasted a week, and left me with even larger tonsils, forcing me to cancel a gig with Withered Hand in Edinburgh. Drastic action had to be taken - so I had an emergency consultation with a ENT specialist, and was scheduled for a tonsillectomy a few days later.

The surgery was pretty quick, they kept me in hospital over night, and i was sent home the next day, armed with a hefty supply of codeine. For the past fortnight, i've been recuperating at home, going out of my mind on prescription drugs, and watching a lot of Masterchef. I was supposed to be doing Homegame accounts ... but that hasn't quite worked out. I'll leave that for a few weeks, I think.

I'd like to fill you in on all the grim details on how shit my throat has felt, and how codeine makes you extremely constipated ... but I've got to sign off now - because i've not packed my bags, and i'm travelling down to London today. Got my first post-tonsillectomy gig tomorrow, at the Fence Sunday Social. No idea how i'm going to sound. My throat's still a bit swollen, and i've not played the guitar in about a month. Fark.

I'm more worried about the Silver Columns gig that's lined up on the 17th April. It's our "London debut". Which apparently means it's important. There's tickets still available ... and I could do with as many Fence fans buying tickets as possible. Mainly because you've all seen me when i'm ill, and so know what to expect. I'm not going to lie, 7 years of consistently shambolic lo-fi gigs have told me that you are a forgiving audience, and I could use the damage limitation. I can't afford to make an arse of myself infront of Peaches Geldof, or Bill Oddie, or whatever other celebrities the promoter brings in to pad out the audience numbers. You understand, don't you?

Remember, i love you. Remember, now.

the pictish trail xx

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 47

2010-01-16T02:24:00.000Z

This is my glancing at my lyric book.

I've just finished song #47, and have popped it up on the MilkSpace.

I've put #46 up there too. So there's two pints of MilkSpace.

>> MILKY

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 46

2010-01-15T22:05:00.004Z

This is a chord. It's the first chord of a song whatiwrote, called 'Not To Be'. Malcolm Middleton might be pissed off, cos he has a song called 'Not To Be'. But maybe his anger will inspire him to write another song called 'Not To Be'. Though, I'm not quite sure what that would accomplish.

That's song #30, anyway. Song #45, 'Brain Freeze', is also finished. It's got some odd chords, i think. Not odd as in Dm7diminshed#3rd, or whatever. I mean odd as in just a weird choice of chords. Maybe not. I sing like a robot on it.

I was up til 4am last night listening to my own songs on headphones. WHAT A TART.

>> MUMSPACE.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 44

2010-01-13T06:14:00.000Z

Person 1: Whooooo's been talking allllll daaaaaayyy?
Person 2: Not me. I've been sweating battery acid.

That's the premise for one of the songs up on the MySpace today.

Another of the songs is about a long car journey, at night. That's song #29.

"I can dream of walking through your town, drinking coffee in a place you'd probably go to, even if you didn't pass that way" is the entire lyric for song #43. Don't ask. I've started drinking coffee. I think they've put something in the coffee.

Is it music? YOU DECIIIIIDE.

>> GO ON, THEN.

The Radio Scotland interview was this morning. I did it over the phone. It's quite smart - they have the radio programme come through your phone, so you can hear everyone who is being interviewed. They played some of my 30secondsongs. I heard them through the phone as well. That was a bit odd.

You don't have to listen to it on a phone, silly. You can listen on your lapdog, via the BBC iPlayer. Here's a link:

>> RADIO FUNS.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 43

2010-01-12T19:44:00.004Z

This has been my "studio" for the past few weeks. Petite lil' number, isn't she?

She's just coughed up a new song. Called 'In Rooms'. It's about walking around some empty rooms, pretending someone is with you, and talking to them for 5 seconds. Then feeling like a wally.

Ok? Ok.

>> SONG

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 42

2010-01-11T23:49:00.004Z

More tea? Ohyesplease.

Some more songs too. I've got song #28, #40 and #41 here.

Song #28, 'Wavelengths' is very sad. And the only song recorded, thus far, that was done with just one take. OOH.

Song #40, 'Our School Of Ties', manages to rip off Radiohead and Moz in one fell swoop.

Song #41, 'Bubbalicious', is my attempt at fat brat slow rap.

>> HERE BE THEY

Oh, i'm going to be on the radio on Wednesday. LIVE VIA SATELLITE on Radio Scotland's Arts Café, on Wednesday 13th January. I'm going to be discussing the 100 Days project - and they'll be playing some of the 30-second-songs i've recorded for it. Josie Long, the comic-extraordinnaire who devised the whole project, will also be on the programme for a bit of a chit-chat.

Radio Café starts at 13.15 GMT, and i'm told our part of the programme will be on about 13.35 GMT. Which is about 8.30 in the morning where i am. So i might sound a bit groggy.

So, thats: BBC RADIO SCOTLAND (92 - 95 FM in Scotland, also available to stream online at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radioscotland) on Wednesday 13th January, at about 13.35 (GMT). Okay?

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 40

2010-01-09T23:41:00.003Z

HELLO. That's me waving to you, that is.

I've gone and done a batch of new songs for this 100 days project, and i've drizzled them all over my MyScum.

>> ENJOY IF YOU CAN.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 36

2010-01-05T23:11:00.005Z

Glug glug glug.

I've ground down two new songs into a fine powdery dust. I wrapped said dust in bandages, and stewed in a mug of boiling water. I'm now drinking the resulting tea out of my favourite mug.

You, too, can taste the delights of this song tea, with two new songs on the MySpace. Song #17 and Song #19 are finally done.

Getting there. Slowly slooowly. But shirley.

>> PAUL DANIELS

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day THIRTY THREEEE

2010-01-02T07:27:00.000Z

This is my ice cream nightmare t-shirt.

And this is my ice cream nightmare song.

>> 'AVE A GOOSEY, GUVNAA

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 32

2010-01-01T06:20:00.001Z

Hello 2010.

Allow me to introduce you to my blog. It started on January 1st 2009. Exactly a year ago. Plan was to take a picture every day. Mostly at around 1pm. I kept it up much longer than i thought i would. Taking a picture of yourself isn't difficult. But some days you can have enough of your own face.

And this happens with your voice as well, as i'm realising with this 100 Days project. I was falling behind over Xmas, but i'm catching up a bit now. I'm still enjoying writing little ideas every day, but sometimes I get a bit bored of my beautiful beautiful voice.

I didn't want you to get bored of it, so i've spaced out my blog updates. For you.

I've recorded a love song for you today. In't that nice? On my ZOOM recorder thingy (the thing that looks like a Tazer, in the pic). It's called 'Waiting #3 (Michelle)', and it's about waiting. And it features a character called Michelle. Song #25 features Michelle also. And her fella, Stanley.

Characters. The pair of them.

>> IT'S WAITING FOR YOU

I can't wait to see you again ...

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 30

2009-12-30T06:56:00.002Z

This is a pic of me on the 18th December, on a train racing to Stirling. I started writing ideas for a song, which i later titled 'Afraid/Dead', and (much) later recorded. In fact i recorded it, quickly, today. And just put it up on the MySponge, along with a song i wrote on Christmas Eve (called 'Cover Ears And Eyes Up').

>> LISTENS.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day 28

2009-12-28T04:04:00.003Z

Hello you.

Just a quick blog to say 'hello you'. Join me in a cuppa joe, and sit down for a minute.

You might have noticed that I've not been online all that much lately, other than a few scrawny 'tweets' here and there.

It's been a hectic time. Don't think i need/want to go into too much detail, but my Mum's been really sick this past few weeks, and she had to go into hospital over Xmas time. She's still there, in fact, but is definitely on the mend ... and we hope to have her back home in the next week.

In order to take my mind off this and other things, i've been writing down song ideas every day - although i've not had any time, or been in much of a mood, to record many of 'em. But i've dusted off my portable BOSS recorder, and quickly recorded two of the songs. One was written on day 16, and the other was an idea i worked on day 25, which was Christmas Day. It isn't a Christmas song. Sorry. But, then, neither was Rage Against The Machines' song. Or the X Factor one.

Anyway, they are both called 'Waiting'. The first one is very sparse indeeeed, as i didn't have an instrument to hand. The second one took a great deal of breath. And sounds oh-so-vaguely like the theme tune to 'Game On'*, by the Gigolo Aunts. But not enough for it to be a rip-off. So there.

>> YOU CAN LISTEN TO THEM HERE.

Ok. I'm gonna go now. Will try and get some more bits and pieces recorded. Hope you're all doing well with your own 100 Days project.

muchos muchos love,

pt x

*That first series of 'Game On' was really good. I never saw the second series - but i know they got rid of Ben Chaplin, which is disgusting behaviour.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY TWENTY

2009-12-20T18:34:00.004Z

Hello chums.

Just a quick note to assure you that i have been working on a different song each day, despite not having any time to record 'em, or even blog about 'em.

I think i'm going to have to do a marathon session when i go home for Xmas. I'm looking forward to going home IMMENSELY.

(Yes, i'm one of those supremely annoying people that really enjoys Xmas, and gets excited at the slightest whiff of tinsel).

ok bye.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY SIXTEEEEN

2009-12-16T01:15:00.000Z

HELLO YOU.

i'm on a train in this pic. the train to london. because i'm doing a gig in london tomorrow, supporting slow club at the union chapel. please come.

today was the first day of this project (apart from when i was in l'hopital) of writing a song away from home. it hasn't been all that easy. and i'm not quite finished, yet. but got a few ideas.

had a tune in my head, and so i played it on guitar and recorded it on my phone - which is suprisingly decent quality. the recording, that is. although the phone's quite nice too. had a quick lyrical idea, and now i'm about to listen to the guitar recording over and over, and crowbar teh lyrical idea in.

i usually write lyrics by singing them. if i like the way they sound, and it doesn't contain a filthy word, then i go with it. at the moment, i'm at my sister's house ... and she's off to bed, so i can't sing out loud. so i've got to sing out loud in my head. err.

wish me luck!

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY FIFTEEN

2009-12-15T00:28:00.003Z

What a lovely pic. It was done by my good pal The Right Honorable Mr Sir Christian Ward Esq Jr III.

Day 15 started on not much sleep. Got to bed really late the night before - writing Xmas cards ... which i don't normally do ... but these a for a special thing ... i'm not going into it now.

ANYWAY. First thing this morning, after wiping the crusty sleep out of my eye, and across my cheek, I started work on Song #15. Remember the Kaossilator? It's the small yellow box thing ... i think i took a picture of it in an earlier blog. It's got lots of sounds in it. Quite fun. So, today I found a sound on the Kaossilator that i liked, and i messed about with it for a good 15 minutes. Then put a beat over it. Then realised the beat didn't line up with the original sound properly. So i deleted them both, and recorded another beat - this time to a click track - THEN added the original sound. This is a good half an hour already. Hmm. Then i got bored of the Kaossilator, so i started on a bass line on my microkorg keyboard thingy. i'm not a very good keyboard player - takes me ages to work out a part i'm happy with. And then i've got to play it perfectly over and over, because i'm shit at looping things. Thank god these songs are only 30 seconds. Had a vocal idea, so i recorded that quickly over the whole thing, and did a quick harmony on top. Then i had another keyboard idea. I realised i had run out of space to record, so i recorded over my vocals, recorded the new keyboard sound, and bounced the whole thing down to two tracks. Then i recorded a vocal. I'd forgotten the idea i'd had previously, so this was a different vocal. And then a harmony. Then i remember the original idea. Then i thought FORGET IT.

The song isn't quite finished yet - so i'm not going to put it up on MySpace for the time being. Not going to be able to record properly for the next few days, actually ... which is a bit annoying. But i'll still jot ideas down, and will turn them all into songs in the run up to Xmas. Not sure how the writing is going to work over the next few days. In a weird way, i'm quite excited about that.

Going to go to bed now. Getting up in 5 hours. Eugh.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY FOURTEEN

2009-12-14T00:49:00.000Z

You know how yesterday i said i'd take more pictures of me, at work on my project.

Well i lied.

But here's a picture of me with some small white balls in my mouth.

Look. I've done a song. Another one. The fourteenth.

Savour it. Because i've got some 'busy days' coming up. Imminently. I'll still be writing songs on these days, oh yes. But i'm not going to be able to record them on the same day. And even if i do, i'm probably not going to be able to get them up on MySpace. And even if i do, i'm probably not going to be able to guarantee that i'll be able to repeat such an extraordinary feat of dedication the following day. And even if i do proffer such a guarantee, i'm probably lying.

Song? Yes. This one is called 'A Summoning Sigh', and i'm going to ruin it for you. It's about a foghorn. You can listen to it, and come up with your own interpretation of the lyrics. But your interpretation will have to be someway related to foghornery, because that's what it's about. And if your interpretation is not about foghornery, then your interpretation is shit.

>> THE SONG, THEN.

The white balls in my mouth are Cadbury's Snow Bites. Which are essentially mini eggs, except they are more spherical, and are coated in a white sugary dusting.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY THIRTEEN

2009-12-13T01:15:00.000Z

Sorry for the moody pic. I'm not very good at taking pix of the project. I'll try and do more, tomorrow.

The thirteenth song is up on the MySpraff. It's called 13 Pillars. It's got one lyric. It goes "13 ... pillars ... behind me". It's quite moody. Like the pic.

Are they pillars of salt? Pillars of silver salty tears? POSSIBLY.

>> I'D LIKE YOU TO LISTEN TO IT

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY TWELVTY

2009-12-12T03:10:00.000Z

Some truly flabbergasting telly tonight ... which meant tonight's tracks are a bit late.

That Cheryl Cole programme that was on before X Factor. Horrific. Naturally i watched it all. And X Factor.

And the comedy awards.

Watched all of that. Then went to the pub, for my first post-antibiotic binge. Got back home about half an hour ago, and I feel quite good now. Just wolfed the remains of my dinner on a slice of toast, and gulped a mug of tea. And fired two new songs up on the myspace (yesterday's and today's).

Yesterday's song is called 'Stay To Your Side' and today's song is called 'House Arrest'.

I really like these. Tried a few different ideas out with recording vocals, and the guitar. There was a lot of layering on 'House Arrest'. All the "oh" sounds i recorded as separate takes, and then squashed them together. The timing is terrible, and so's the tuning ... but that kind of shaped the song.

Anyway.

>> HEAR HERE

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY ELEVEN

2009-12-11T01:38:00.000Z

I'm freaking out a wee bit.

Today my course of anti-biotics finished. My throat's been feeling pretty good all week ... and now, now that i'm off the anti-biotics, NOW ... well, NOW it's starting to feel a bit scratchy.

Just a bit.

I can talk fine. I can just feel it, y'know.

And it's freaking the freaking freak out of me.

I don't feel ill. But i feel like i'm probably going to be ill. And now i can't tell if my throat just feels big because i think it should, or if it actually is big.

Regardless of this, i have written my song for today. I'm not entirely set on the lyrics - and i don't have a title that i'm happy with. And now i'm worried about my scratchy throat. So i'm just going to finish it tomorrow morning. When i'm hopefully NOT ill.

I'm going to be ill, aren't I?

Oh god.

Maybe i'll use the word 'brink' in the song. Yeah. Maybe i'll shoe horn the word 'brink' in there. As in 'brink of illness'. Which i'm on.

I'M SCARED OF MYSELF.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY TEN

2009-12-10T01:28:00.000Z

I have a Fishface. Listen to Fishface.

>> I SAID LISTEN TO FISHFACE

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY NINE

2009-12-09T00:54:00.000Z

Today's song is (the rather camply-titled) 'Well, I Never ...'.

Could it be about salacious gossip?

A dirty secret?

A confession of desire?

No. It's about a thoroughly racist joke, which disgusted me. Thankyouverymuch.

Enjoy.

>> "WELL, I NEVER ..."

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY EIGHT

2009-12-08T21:32:00.004Z

I'm recording a 'booty' clap, with a damp oven mitt, in my kitchen.

Today's song is called 'My Fizzy Bitz'. It features "da rhymes" of Triddy P.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Recording this has made me very happy.

>> CH-CH-CHECK OUT MY FIZZY BITZ

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY SEVEN

2009-12-07T00:32:00.000Z

MONDAY.

Monday's normally put the fear of god (small 'g') into me. So much so, that Sunday night's have become the new Monday morning. There's always a fair few emails in on a Sunday night - does anyone else get that? I'm guilty of it too. I get nervous that i'll forget all my plans, so i do frantic Sunday evening emails.

It's really unnerving, because you wake up on Monday, and you see your email inbox, and there's a stack of things that have come in, that have been sent out at 3am. And most of them are repsonses to things you sent out at 2.55am. JEEEZ.

This is why this 100 Days thing is good for me. Because when i wake up, the first thing i do is go upstairs, and start recording. Anything. The instrument i feel like playing, i'll just play. For an hour, and then i'll have breakfast.

WOW I'M SOOOO FREE, ISN'T LIIIFE AMAAAZING.

Yeah.

But it's really chilling me out. It's actually making me excited about getting up in the mornings. And it's giving me something to do in the evenings that isn't just watching the same episode of QI over and over again.

I think it's the sense of HAVING to do it. Knowing that i have to have something finished by the end of the day. Initially i wasn't going to record all of these songs each day ... but now i've realised that having some recorded version of a song gives me some ... er ... closure ... er ... and makes it easier to start something new the next day.

Ok. So anyway, i've got today's song up on ze MySpez. It's called 'A Final Snap'. It's about having your picture taken with someone. Sorry. I mean, it's about having my picture taken with "a" someone. Whatever that means.

>> SAY CHEESE

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY SIXXX

2009-12-06T00:45:00.000Z

Today's song is called 'To Your Health'. And it's about getting jaundice from eating nothing but those pro-biotic yoghurts.

This is something that wouldn't happen to me. I only consume healthy foods. I'm even drinking mint tea. That's healthy, right?

It's not meant to be as serious as it sounds. I was just feeling a bit 'mooody'. And gay.

>> EAT IT HERE.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY FUN(f)

2009-12-05T23:13:00.009Z

BADOOOOSH. Do you like what i've done with my hair?

Jacked-up on anti-biotics and general vim, i've managed to catch up and record THREE 30 second songs today.

They are:

1. Drip Feed Blink #1 .... which i condensed to just one line, really ... but one which i like a lot. And it was one that was going around my head a lot whilst in the hospital. It literally was my only thought. and i think i could do more with later.

2. Drip Feed Blink #2. which is about not being able to sleep. in the hospital. i was in the hospital, y'know. pretty nurses there, too.

3. Time Bomb. This is the one i wrote from scratch today. It's also the first one i recorded today, so i probably sound the most 'ill' on this one. It is called 'Time Bomb' because i always wanted to have a song called 'Time Bomb'. It's got a good pun in it too.

>> ALL OF THESE SONGS ARE UP ON MY MYSPACE, INNIT

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY FOUR

2009-12-04T01:02:00.001Z

How disgusting is this picture? DISGUSSSTING. Those are my gargantuan tonsils. I've got a bit of nostril hair going on too. Ladies.

Ok, so being in hospital kinda made the whole songwriting thing a bit difficult.

Hmm. Not much sleep last night, either. Hospitals are noisy.

Didn't have an instrument on me, and my balloon-animal throat prevented me from singing anything into my phone's recorder thing. But i took some notes, some ideas for lines.

When i got home this evening, i played around with a few chords, fitted the lines in around 'em, edited them a bit ... changed the guitar bit slightly ...

There's a lot of to-ing and fro-ing in this writing biz, y'know. It's still pretty impossible to sing, so i mumbled the words into my recording device, just so i remember the melody. Basically, the 'song' is there ... it's just not recorded properly yet.

Oh - and this song is probably going to be called 'Drip Feed Blink'. So Day #3's song is going to be called something else. Or maybe it'll be 'Drip Feed Blink #1', and today's will be 'Drip Feed Blink #2'. Ok Ok.

Ok. Anyway. I'm going to try and record both of 'em over this weekend.

This 30 second song writing thing is actually a bit more difficult than i thought. It's not easy confining things to what is essentially half-a-verse, whilst trying to convey some semblance of a story, or scene.

Ok, ok.

ok.

I should sleep now.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - Day threeee

2009-12-03T23:00:00.002Z

I told you I was ill.

I'm in hospital. On a drip. Ughhh.

I've managed to 'jot' some lyrical ideas for a new song though, so I guess that still counts - I'll record it when i'm feeling well again, hopefully in a couple days.

In true flakey-artist style, it doesn't have a name yet. Although 'Drip Feed' is a contender.

They are currently showing The Green Mile ion the hospital ward TV. There's something quite freaky about watching men being put to death, while actually being surrounded my old men close to death.

Old men.

See you tomorrow.

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY DOS(s)

2009-12-02T22:16:00.006Z

Foooook me.

My tonsils are still having a 'sit-in', and they're stretching their feet. I'm trying to get them pissed on chloraseptic spray and Lemsip. It's not working on the tonsils, but i'm now addicted to Lemsip.

Singing was nigh on impossible, hence the vocals on today's song are a bit "jelly". Ugh. I used my Kaossilator thingy (in the picture).

It's called The Lemsip Tonsil Rap, and it's up on the ol' myspace just now.
>> HAVE A LISTEN HERE, THEN

The One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog - DAY ONE

2009-12-01T20:18:00.014Z

Sooooo ... Here is the blog for the first day of my own hundred day project - to write a 30 second song a day. You can come up with your own project at www.hundreddays.net. Although you've probably missed your chance to be honest.

Annoyingly, it has also coincided with me getting a hefty dose of tonsillitis. My throat is currently teabagging two very swollen glands - AND IT HURTS, BY JOVE.

Anyroad ... I woke up this morning, listened to Rob DJ's Monday Night Pub Quiz on Radio One - YES, I LISTEN TO MOYLES (except today Vernon was sitting in) - got a cup of Lemsip from Kate Canaveral, and worked a little bit on the Fence website, before hovering upstairs to my recording room bit.

I tend to do a lot of writing by recording ideas first. I'll hum a tune, record it, realise it's a rip-off of Oasis or Barbara Dickson, record a weird noise over it to disguise any musical similarities, come up with some words to tie it together, bang it in the oven, and serve with a steaming glass of Nesquik.

LOOK. Here are the things you need to write and record a song.

1. A pad and pen. To write in and with.

B. A microphone. To sing/dribble in.

3. A keyboard. For keyboarding. There's headphones there too. For headphoning.

4. A machine with lights on, that can get very hot at the back, and warm your hands.

5. A good, well stirred brew.

6. A good, stirring view.

It wasn't that easy to sing with a pair of cauliflower-tonsils, so I started by messing about with a sampled-piano sound on my synth, and played a few nice chords - writing a few lines, and warbling them in a bidet of reverb.

So, yes. I've recorded my first "30 second song", and it's called 'I've Been Set Upon'. And it's up on my MySpace playa.

>> HAVE A LISTEN HERE

I like it. It sounds a bit like Enya, as an adenoidal teen adolescent. It probably works best on headphones, too, as that's how i mixed it. Might turn into a longer song, even.

The One O'Clock Blog - Potential Scanner

2009-11-25T14:49:00.007Z

I've had a lubbly morning out in St Andrews. Today's 1pm pic finds me on a bus, flying back to tha 'struther, beaming smile alllll over my face. This is me smiling.

Kate had to take her car in, to get the brakes sorted ... so I accompanied her, and took a visit to the local auction house - which is run by people who genuinely still believe we live in the 1920's.

Whilst milling about the tatty books, and antique moth balls I came across a scanner. I need a scanner. So I put a bid on said scanner for £15.00. Does that seem like too much? I'm gonna find out tomorrow if i've won.

So, here I am, on the bus, smiling. Thinking about my potential scanner.

The Impending One Hundred Days O'Clock Blog

2009-11-23T22:15:00.008Z

Yeah, hi.

I’ve got something to say.

* switches on Purple Rain instrumental *

Look. I’ve been bad to you. I know.

I know that now.

I been reeeal mean.

Like the time I told you I was too busy to take out the garbage, because the Eastenders Omnibus was on. That’s right.

Like-ah the time I put your Madonna CD in the CD box of another artist, because I couldn’t find the Immaculate Collection CD box. That’s righhht.

Like-ah the time ah told you those orange fruits were satsumas ... but bay-buh ... those orange fruits? They were just cheap-ass clementines. Tha’srighhht.

Like-ah the time ah ...

Tha’sriiiiiiiight. I did wrong. Ah deehd wrawng.

* whispers *

But I could be soooo good fo’ you, bay-buh.

* turns off Purple Rain instrumental *

Basically, what i’m trying to tell you is ... I want to be a better person.

I want to wake up every morning with a sense of purpose. A drive.

I want to be all I can be, fulfill my worldly existence, and inspire others to follow. And I want to sneer less at adverts for the Army.

And, I think I can be a better person. I’ve found a way.

WWW.HUNDREDDAYS.NET

This is the website for a new project called ‘One Hundred Days To Make Me A Better Person’. It’s been put together by one of my fave stand-ups, Josie Long. The idea is that you make yourself “better” every day, for 100 days.

How? Here’s how ...

You can set yourself a big goal - like learning to drive by practisicing and taking lessons every day for 100 days. Or you might decide, instead, to improve your spelling of the word ‘practicing’ by writing it down on paper every day for 100 days.

Maybe you’ll want to start learning a new recipe every day, to cook for your housemate? Or maybe you’d rather spend your 100 days pretending to enjoy your housemate’s ‘experimental’ cooking?

As much as i need to learn how to drive, and eat healthier, i’m doing neither of these things.

I have decided, in my infinite wisdom, to try and write a song - a new song, mind - every day, for 100 days.

I’m gonna try and record ‘em all, too.

Now, to make things a bit easier on myself, i’m going to limit these songs to around 30 seconds in length. Some might be a bit longer, some might be a smidgeon shorter ... but 30 seconds is the “target length”.

You might think ‘Hey, 30 seconds isn’t really a song’ ... and yes, well, okay, you’re right. YOU’RE RIGHT, OKAAAY?? But just shut up. 30 seconds is my target.

Admittedly, this could be a terrible idea. It’ll no doubt yield some terrible “songs” ... however, the point is more to come up with something spontaneous and new, working in more styles, and maybe improve my guitar/keyboard playing at the same time.

Yes, yes, i suppose it could just result in 100 pieces of music that pretty much all sound the same ...

F**K YOU! It’s going to be good, okay??

And it’s going to make me a better person. So there.

Anyway, the main thing about all of this is that IT’S NOT FOR CHARITY! YESSS! Finally, I can feel good about myself, and feel selfish at the same time. Bliss.

I’ll be updating my progress on this blog, and i’ve relented and started up my own Twitter account - www.twitter.com/pictishtrail. There’ll be pictures and progress reports ... and i might whack some of the music up on MySpace (www.myspace.com/pictishtrail), even though apparently no one even uses MySpace these days.

The whole thing culminates on March 10th, at a special gig as part of the London Word Festival. Here, i’ll be sharing some of my experiences, showing off my fake tan, and perhaps performing a selection of my newly created masterpieces. I don’t know what the venue is yet, though. I’ll find out.

Here’s the important bit ... I’M INVITING YOU TO DO THE SAME! You’ve got under a week to decide what you are doing ... then, as of December 1st, the 100 days begins!

Go to WWW.HUNDREDDAYS.NET and sign up. Make your pledge to yourself, and DO IT.

Don’t be cynical. Don’t be all like “Ooooh, look at you and your special project ... ooohhh ... look at you, showing off on MySpace, and Twatbook, and pretending not to be as cynical as meeee ... oooohhh”.

DON’T BE LIKE THAT. And don’t say Twatbook. Just do something for a change.

I’m blogging to YOU.

thanks now bye.

the pictish trail xx

ps. is anyone else REALLY enjoying Miranda on BBC Two on Mondays at 8.30pm? i’ve been watching for the past three weeks, and have laughed out loud on many an occasion. Cos it’s really funny.

The One O'Clock Blog - OLO Sweet Child O' Miiiine

2009-11-22T23:22:00.008Z

My OLO children have just sent me some new music. And it is great.

It's got me clickin' ma fingas.

It's got me shakin' ma rump.

It's got me gittin' all fah-reeeakay.

Don't worry - I think a cup of Red Bush tea will sort me out.

That and the 'stEnders Omnibus.

I've got some news for you. But i'll save it for tomorrow, i think.

The One O'Clock Blog - AIA I Owe

2009-11-21T23:15:00.000Z

I'm behind on payments. OH GOD.

I'm at the table-top fayre, at the AIA Hall in Anstruther, enjoying a Toffee Apple cookie and HMS Ginafore's Mum's soup (dee-lish), and i've just realised ... i've not paid the hall fee.

We used the hall a few weeks ago, for our Hallowe'ening. And i've not paid for it. And the person i'm meant to pay is manning a stall here. She says it's fine, but I'm embarrassed.

Look at the embarrassment on my face.

Actually. I'm not really embarrassed. I'm just wondering if it's okay to take another Toffee Apple biscuit.

The Night O'Clock Blog - Viking Die Rectum

2009-11-18T22:20:00.003Z

How's everyone doing?

I am fine.

The Night O'Clock Blog - Ha!

2009-11-12T01:35:00.000Z

Ha.
HA.

WHAT.

WHAT??!

The Night O'Clock Blog - Selfish Portrait

2009-11-10T01:10:00.000Z

This rubbish drawing of myself has TOTALLY ruined my 'To-Do' list.

I'VE GOT STUFF TO DO, DAMMMIT!

Oooh. How good is that new Hot Chip song? It's well good, that's how good. It's called 'Take It In'. I got an MP3 of it yesterday, and i can't stop listening to it.

I'm listening to it now, even.

Even now.

The One O'Clock Blog - Poster Boy

2009-11-09T13:26:00.004Z

This is my poster for a gig i'm playing next week.

Frànçois designed the interesting bit. And I designed the garish bit. You should see the colour version.

Please come along. I'm going to try and play some newish things.

DEETS HERE

The One O'Clock Blog - Everything Zine

2009-11-08T10:51:00.001Z

There's a new Fencezine ready, which i'm about to put on the Fence site.

I've been working on a Sunday. God has cursed me with a cold.

That is my news.

The One O'Clock Blog - Sad Sacks

2009-11-07T10:48:00.001Z

Get ready for sad face ...

3 ...
2 ...
1 ...

*BAAAHHH*

The One O'Clock Blog - Spaceboy

2009-11-06T15:08:00.000Z

Just about to head off to Banchory for a gig.

To psyche myself up, i've turned off the lights, put on my space goggles and space war paint, got the mini-mirrorball up ... and i am in a trance.

The One O'Clock Blog - Hemm Sweet Hemm

2009-11-05T13:43:00.004Z

The Icelandic-wonder Benni Hemm Hemm has been covering my nasal blemish today. His jaunty Gruff-Rhys-like melodies have put a smile on my fizzog, also.

You can't see my smile here, though. But I am smiling.

The One O'Clock Blog - Head's in Bookish

2009-11-04T14:20:00.002Z

I've got a massive zit on my nose, which i'm going to conceal behind this LP of Simon Bookish. The album, Everything/Everything smells great - and sounds great too.

The One O'Clock Blog - Sea Nick View

2009-11-03T13:21:00.004Z

Hmm. I'm really slacking on the pic front. I'm gonna properly try and do a new pic every day now, until the end of the year.

Today has been a busy day of emailing. I'm well fast at typing now. For example it took me less than two seconds to type 'I'm well fast at typing now'. That is how fast i am.

I bought some new records - which got delivered yesterday. The new Four Tet one, a Simon Bookish LP and a Joy Orbison single too. I'm not listening to them today though. Today i've got CITV on in the background. I did a jingle for kids tv, and it gets played before the adverts after each show. I'm affy proud.

Off to Kirkcaldy in a minute, to do a Q&A session thing about the music industry. Kenners is joining me. We're experts, apparently.

CITV one minute ... rock talk in Kirkcaldy the next. I'm predicting my rockstar meltdown with 3 years. Looking at the sea calms me down a bit.

The One O'Clock Blog - Hello Weiner

2009-10-29T16:47:00.003Z

SHUT THE CURTAINS!

TURN ON THE FAIRY LIGHTS!

START THE GLITTER BALL!

DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS WEEKEND'S HALLOWE'EN PARTY, I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!

IT ALL STARTS TOMORROW!

OH MY GAWD!

DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

The One O'Clock Blog - Bad gag

2009-10-27T13:30:00.004Z

Ok, ok. I know. I've been lame on the 1 O'Clock blog thing.

Problem is, i've been in a bit of a mope since getting back from tour. There's a mountain of emails that i can't seem to catch up with, a back-log of webshop orders waiting to be sent out ... and I'm finding it very difficult to keep up with the action on Neighbours.

Paul Robinson's just got married again, by the way. The tart.

So anyway, in between watching episodes of Neighbours, i've been forcing myself to stay indoors and do some work. The pink tights on my head are to prevent me from going outside, the gold jacket is to remind me that i'm a pop star, and the white gag is to stop me from talking on the phone for too long. It's also to stop me from telling you what my costume is going to be, for Hallowe'en.

Ooh, i can't wait.

I've just realised that dressing up like this was just another attempt to not do work.

God, i'm bored.

I AM actually working, though. Spent this morning recording a vocal for a new 'pop' tune. Not quite finished, yet. It's proving to be quite tricky. Hmm.

It's 1.40pm now ... and Neighbours is back on in a bit ...

The One O'Clock Blog - Bas Puss

2009-10-13T00:14:00.001+01:00

I'm on a bus. Wearing a hoodie. I'm biting my top lip, in an attempt to look angry. My arms are outstretched, brandishing a mobile phone, taking obtrusive pix.

I hope I don't get my head kicked in by that pensioner in front. She looks pretty violent.

The Four O'Clock Blog - Dark Day

2009-10-12T23:41:00.003+01:00

Sometimes I like to go outside, take a stroll along the beach, breathe in the salty air, and stare up at the brooding clouds that loom over the harbour. On a dark day like this, when the sun sits smothered in a thick grey duvet of sky, I often think about the loneliness that connects us all, and that overcasts our hearts.

And that's because ... I'm a total ass.

Christ, it's cold. I'm off home to put on the kettle and watch me some Deal Or No Deal.

The One O'Clock Blog - Reems of Reeves

2009-10-11T00:44:00.000+01:00

I've destroyed my library. Torched it.

I shall now glean all my worldly information from this book: Vic Reeves' Vast Book Of World Knowledge.

Any information not contained within said book is DEAD TO ME.

The One O'Clock Blog - Remote Con Troll

2009-10-10T20:48:00.002+01:00

I can't be bothered moving. I've not left the house in two days. I've got a remote control for everything I want. A remote for the TV, one for the stereo, another for the DVD player, and others that control curtains, light dimming, and hard sums.

Actually that last one might just be a calculator.

Maybe i should stretch my legs and go out. For a chippy.

The One O'Clock Blog - Chewy

2009-10-09T23:46:00.003+01:00

My new face arrived today. I strapped it on like a fake non-beard.

I haven't left the house today, and have had 12 cups of tea.

The One O'Clock Blog - Tour Beard

2009-10-08T15:37:00.003+01:00

I'm back home now.

I wasn't very good at keeping up my blog-pix whilst on tour. MEGA-SOZ.

By way of apology, i'm going to chew off this beard. The moustache, and the area below my bottom lip should be easy enough. The cheeks are a bit more tricky. Fortunately i've developed a 'tour jowel', which will allow me to literally fold over my cheeks towards my mouth - and maul myself.

Tune in tomorrow for the results/scars.

The Swiss Clock - I'm in Luzern, Baby

2009-09-25T23:46:00.000+01:00

Stay still, camera.

The Swiss Clock - Zurich by Night

2009-09-24T23:43:00.000+01:00

I'm on stage.

Looksy.

The Italiano Clock Blog - Milan About

2009-09-23T23:10:00.001+01:00

Taken from Starfooker's Flickr account.

The One O'Clock Blog - Prague-bound

2009-09-21T22:58:00.000+01:00

The Hannover Clock Blog - Deutsch Ball

2009-09-18T00:23:00.000+01:00

It's a sweaty indie disco here in die vaterland. Indie discos here are EXACTLY like back home.

The French O'Clock Blog - Paris is Burning

2009-09-17T23:14:00.000+01:00

This was a hot sweaty gig. Picture by Nicholas Patault at http://www.live-for-rock.com

The Eight O'Clock Blog - G(h)ent Tree

2009-09-16T19:43:00.002+01:00

tippy tappy typing.

IN GENT OF ALL PLACES.

The Belgian O'Clock Blog - Brussells Pouts

2009-09-15T23:20:00.000+01:00

At La Botanique. A very nice venue indeed.

Picture taken by Berugi.

The Late O'Clock Blog - Rotterdamaged

2009-09-13T10:52:00.000+01:00

Fun gig tonight, in Rotterdam - at the RoTown.

Destroying my brain cells with Duvel now. LUBBLY.

The One O'Clock Blog - Practice Middleton

2009-09-11T10:45:00.000+01:00

It's another 6 hours pracky. I'm kinda getting the hang of the bass. Kinda.

We're leaving for Bristol at 7pm. Along the way, Gal - the driver - will accidentally put unleaded into a diesel tank, and we'll have to wait for a couple hours for the RAC to send out a guy to drain it ... during which time i will scour all the gossip mags in the petrol station.

I now know everything there is to know about the world of celebrity.

The Pissed Up O'Clock Blog - Falling and Laughing

2009-09-10T10:35:00.001+01:00

We're at the Edwyn Collins & Teenage Fanclub gig in Glasgow, surrounded by the indie-glitterati. Ken Bluebell has given me a badge, Stuart Murdoch is dancing like a 13 year old girl, and Stephen Pastel is smiling. I'm having a ladies night out, with Princess B and Clarabelle.

This will all feel like a dream tomorrow. A very sore dream.

The Night O'Clock Blog - FOAM FIGHT!

2009-09-09T23:12:00.003+01:00

It's about 11pm at night, and I'm meant to be packing my bags for this EUROTOUR thing. I'm away tomorrow, first thing ... until October 6th, so i need to have a fair amount of clean clothes. I've done two loads of washing, but i need to sort through it all. And there's a ton of ironing still to do.

But instead of all that ... i've decided to have a foam fight with Kate Canaveral.

FOAM FIIIIGHT! GO!

The Half-One O'Clock Blog - The Other One

2009-09-08T10:54:00.000+01:00

The One O'Clock Blog - Flared Nostril Chords

2009-09-07T00:59:00.000+01:00

Working out chords is weird.

This is a Dm#7-diminished 8th.

Actually ... maybe it's a Fb∛⩐¶(x) ?

Oh no. It's G.

A simple G ... with a nice, diminished, ass.

The One O'Clock Blog - The Plan

2009-09-06T09:25:00.000+01:00

I'm mixing some squelchy keyboards on a track i've done for CITV.

Yes, that's 'Children's ITV'. Such is the state of the music industry, i'm left with no alternative.

With broadband internet available in almost every home, illegal file-sharing on the rise, and the popularity of Spotify, we are currently nuturing a generation who don't expect to pay for music.

So, my plan is to brain-wash tots with my keyboards, and get them hooked on my music before they are allowed anywhere near a computer.

NO ONE CAN STOP ME! Except maybe the Daily Mail.

The One O'Clock Blog - The Malky Bar Chords Are On Me

2009-09-05T00:03:00.001+01:00

I'm practising the song 'Zero' by Malcolm Middleton. I'm not quite certain i've got it right. I've been listening to the song non stop for the past hour ... and I think the bit I'm meant to play only uses two strings ... but, errrrr ... I can't quite tell. My brain has stopped working.

i've got less than a week to get this, and a bunch of other songs, right.

Plenty of time for another tea break, then.

The Past One O'Clock Blog - Post Pub

2009-09-04T02:57:00.000+01:00

We took part in the pissed quizzzzzzz

I won the pub.

uhhh

wait a minute ..

The One O'Clock Blog - Nine Hour Train

2009-09-03T09:10:00.000+01:00

A branch fell on the line at Grantham, and there's flooding between Berwick Upon Tweed and Edinburgh. So i'm going to have to spend nine hours on a train. In an hour, a wifey will sit next to me, with EXTREMELY bad breath.

I'm meant to be doing a seminar tonight. I had all my train times co-ordinated. And now it's all gone to shiiiit.

The One O'Clock Blog - My Bling

2009-09-02T09:16:00.000+01:00

Err. I can't really tell you about this yet.

I'm dressed like this for a reason though. Honest.

The One O'Clock Blog - Mindless Eeeeemail

2009-09-01T09:05:00.000+01:00

Email catchupppp

The One O'Clock Blog - Traffic Jems

2009-08-30T09:27:00.000+01:00

We're stuck in a traffic jam on the way to our gig in London. Boonbeans has just run out, on to the street, to find somewhere to be sick.

It's all going swimmingly.

The Two O'Clock Blog - Bexhill Booze

2009-08-29T14:39:00.000+01:00

Drinking illicit booze, in a car park in Bexhill. Delifinger disapproves, and is trying to prevent both Boonbeans and myself from procuring more delicious boozes.

The One O'Clock Blog - Bristol Band

2009-08-28T17:08:00.001+01:00

On our way to Bristol now. Boonbeans ain't driving. I'm wearing the same t-shirt.

TOUR.

The One O'Clock Blog - Buxton Bound

2009-08-27T17:04:00.000+01:00

On the way to Buxton. BB is driving.

The Eight O'Clock Blog - Blackburn Bogs

2009-08-26T17:01:00.000+01:00

Boonbeans is taking a picture of me, in the mens toilets. I'm not peeing. I'm posing.

The tour started tonight in Blackburn - and it was great.

The One O'Clock Blog - Post-GM Disgust

2009-08-24T16:57:00.000+01:00

Relaxing at OLO HQ, post-GreenMan, and watching BigBrother repeats. I'm appalled.

The Green Man O'Clock Blog - Means and Nerves

2009-08-23T02:57:00.001+01:00

Another Delifinger pic.

Both Roz and myself are backstage at Green Man.

We're both quite scared. Roz gets so nervous, she puts her hands under her armpits, and then quickly sniffs her fingers. As above.

I just drink booze.

The Green Man O'Clock Blog - Pose

2009-08-22T02:54:00.000+01:00

This picture is courtesy of Delifinger.

I'm watching a video of my massive face, in the cinema tent.

I'm all OVER the mic.

The Green Man O'Clock Blog - Grease

2009-08-21T02:48:00.000+01:00

One day without a shower, and my hair has GONE TO SHIT. Where the hell has it gone?

I'm enjoying some good times here, with Uncle Beesly and Vicster.

The Green Man O'Clock Blog - Tents

2009-08-20T02:42:00.000+01:00

We've arrived at the Brecon Beacons, for my seventh Green Man. OOOOH AHH CAN'T WAIT, MON.

I didn't take a camera, but thankfully millions of others did. My pal, Hardsparrow, has captured this wonderful shot of Kate Canaveral and myself holding down the tent while we try and remember where the pegs are.

You can just see Rose Canaveral's arse. And a lovely rainbow. Coincidence????

The One O'Clock Blog - Foe to Shoot

2009-08-19T17:11:00.001+01:00

I've been taking pictures of myself for the past half hour. It's for a mock-up for a photo shoot thing i'm doing in a few weeks. I don't know what that means either.

Despite having taken a picture of myself almost every day this year, i'm struggling to accept how weird my face looks.

It just looks weird.

The One O'Clock Blog - Crushing My Head

2009-08-18T01:25:00.000+01:00

Kate is squishing my brain.

Eww.

The One O'Clock Blog - iPhun

2009-08-17T01:01:00.001+01:00

I'm taking a picture of myself taking a picture of myself, with my new phone.

I wonder how long it will be before i break it? With Green Man only a few days away, and a forecast of torrential rain, i'm guessing it's not going to be too long.

The One O'Clock Blog - Pracky

2009-08-15T15:50:00.000+01:00

We're having a good ol' practice for the Pictish Trail set @ Green Man. Everyone is having a really really good time.

The One O'Clock Blog - Cybra-fun

2009-08-14T09:56:00.003+01:00

Ooh. Lovely Cybraphon.

It make-a sucha sweet, sweet music.

Go and make friends with it: www.cybraphon.com

The One O'Clock Blog - More Trail

2009-08-13T01:44:00.000+01:00

Some more copies of my album arrived today.

1000 of 'em.

It's back to the drawing board.

The One O'Clock Blog - Mystery Illness Unveiled ...

2009-08-12T21:39:00.002+01:00

Congratulations to those who guessed 'swine flu'.

You were wrong - it was glandular fever - but swine flue is more topical, hence you win the points, and i get to wear this ridiculous mask.

Join me, same time tomorrow, when we look indepth at a region of my body that has changed colour dramatically over the past five days ...

The One O'Clock Blog - I Can See The Sea

2009-08-11T15:16:00.002+01:00

I want to go outside.

The Night O'Clock Blog - Ya, Who Pulled?

2009-08-10T00:45:00.000+01:00

Playing Yahoo Pool for 5 hours helps illness.

FACT.

I should be a doctor.

The One O'Clock Blog - The Whispering Whisp

2009-08-09T14:08:00.003+01:00

I'm wasting away.

My throat has gone to shit.

I can't eat. Or move.

In a few days time, all that is going to be left of me is a pair of swollen tonsils resting on a pile of crumpled pyjamas.

it's not my time!

The Nine O'Clock Blog - Saturday Night (Glandular) Fever

2009-08-08T21:21:00.005+01:00

It's 9pm.

I'm meant to be performing in Pittenweem with the other Craws.

But i'm ill. It's pretty much definitely my glandular fever making an unwelcome return. I've not had a bout of it for about 3 years. My throat is massive, and i've been breaking out in mad sweats.

I'm getting well fed up of it, now. I'm gutted to be missing the gig. And I've not had a proper solid meal in 3 days. Just yoghurt and some fruit. Meh.

I'm going to have a huff now.

Huff.

The One O'Clock Blog - Still Ill

2009-08-07T22:54:00.001+01:00

I'm paralysed. Ugggh.

The Six Forty Five O'Clock Blog - Gyles Brandread

2009-08-06T19:02:00.001+01:00

F**k me, i'm ill.

Properly ill.

Sweating like the fat one off of Masterchef trapped inside a shed made out of marzipan, and surrounded a team of the nation's leading cardiologists.

I'm hot.

And my throat is killing me. And i'm finding it hard to move about a bit.

Fortunately, day-time TV has kept me company.

1.30pm - Neighbours
I've missed a lot of Neighbours in 2009. In my absence they have upped the pretty-girl-to-pan-faced-boy ratio. This is a very good thing. I still miss Janae though.

2pm - Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Two episodes circa 1996. Clive Anderson can't have changed that much. I think this was the beginning of Stephen Fry's chubby intellectual phase ... and the start of Josie Lawrence's Widow-Twankee phase.

3pm - Eastenders (that'd i'd taped on Tuesday)
Watching an episode of a soap opera that you've recorded is very depressing. There's just something that feels wrong about it.

4pm - Dickenson's Real Deal / Deal Or No Deal / Come Dine With Me / EggHeads
The next two hours became a bit of a hazy wash. I slipped in and out of consciousness, waking up occasionally to glimpse David Dickenson or Noel Edmonds prancing about. Dickenson should start wearing a cape. He's always hunched over.

6.45pm - Some new Gyles Brandreth Show
I can't move. I can't get this c*nt off my telly. Oh christ.

7pm - The One Show
F**k. Brandreth is back again. This is killing me.

7.30pm - Eastenders
Another one. This is a 'live' one. Feels much better.

8pm - Some gameshow with that Welsh T4 presenter
I literally cannot move to turn this off. I'm paralysed.

9pm - Mock The Week
Frankie Boyle is the only reason for ever watching this. I never understand why they pretend the whole thing is 'spontaneous'. I'd prefer it if they were just honest about it - "look, this is the material we've managed to cobble together in the past week ... we give Frankie all the shocking stuff"

9.30pm - Another Clive Anderson show
Clive Anderson really hasn't changed his appearance in the past 15 years. Not even slightly. I'm going to pass out now.

The One O'Clock Blog - Mope Head

2009-08-05T18:59:00.000+01:00

Got a bit of a scratchy throat.

My limbs are a bit sore.

I've got a gig in Edinburgh this evening. I honestly cannot be arsed.

Kate's convinced me to go, though. So, if i'm crap - IT'S HER FAULT.

The Seven O'Clock Blog - Tea'd Off

2009-08-04T23:39:00.003+01:00

Tea.

Lots of it.

Lots of tea.

And chat.

The One O'Clock Blog - Day Off

2009-08-02T00:14:00.000+01:00

LET'S WRESTLE!

I'LL KICK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU!